This was not my day.
Jan. 14th, 2006 11:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bellapalmeraSo I'm pretty much a horrible person. Nobody else does what I do for the stupid shit reasons that I do it.
St. Pete doesn't have an Old Navy. What the hell is that about... yeah, it's pretty lame despite the rest of the story I'm about to tell. So I went to the one in Bradenton. Well there was this item of clothing that I wanted, but they didn't have it. Other stores did though. To shorten this story since it's going to end up being long, the one in Port Richey had it. Now I don't know how familiar y'all are with Florida geography, so here's a little bit of a lesson for ya...
Yeah, you're reading that right. Add that I didn't entirely go the way Mapquest suggested, and got lost and had to turn around a few times. I'm a fucking psycho, basically. So I got my article of clothing that I don't deserve and shouldn't have bothered going to such great lengths to get, OR should have tried to obtain earlier because...
OK, this is the clincher. Get ready for some serious mental health issues right here.
...I wanted to wear it tomorrow with a skirt that I said I was going to wear at Christmas Conference but I didn't, and I'm doing it for a boy who needs no impressing and I'm not even trying to impress him anyway, I'm just OCD about the fact that I talked about this random article of clothing so much and I want to prove it exists before he leaves.
WHO DOES THAT?????
Wow, so at least something funny happened in Port Richey: I'm sitting there eating a slice of pizza. Someone runs by and I don't really think anything of it, but then someone else runs by - a nicely dressed semi-old guy - and yells "SECURITY!!!!" at the top of his lungs. I look at the other person who had just run by and it's a really skinny white dude with NO SHIRT ON. So I don't know what was going on there but it was kind of amusing.
Now I really don't know why God even let me HAVE the shirt in the first place because, well, you read it. I couldn't get off that easy, ya know? On my way to the mall, Leah had called me about how people were going to a movie at 8:30 and I was like oh yeah, I can totally get there by 8:30! Well then I locked my keys in the car at a gas station. Seriously, I am the biggest moron in the world for re-attaching my keys to my purse when I wasn't even bringing the purse with me. So I called AAA and they said they'd send someone within an hour. I DIDN'T HAVE AN HOUR THANK YOU! I had wanted to stop at home and drop my stuff off and change and ya know, RELAX!!!!! So that didn't happen. I was asking pretty much everyone that came in if they could help me before AAA got there. Oh, the cashier tried to help me because she thought she had a coat hanger in her car. (What good would that be if she locked her OWN keys in the car though???) Anyway AAA came at 7:37 so I figured I'd get there by 8:30.
Well, I didn't.
I figured hey, there's 15 minutes of previews. I walked up to the box office at 8:49 so I guess I would have missed part of it anyway. But I had left my wallet in my car!!!! So I had to walk all the way back to my stupid car. I didn't get into the movie until 9:00 and I couldn't find anyone! So I sat in the back by myself, which I didn't mind that much since it was just a movie and it's not like those are very social DURING the movie anyway. When the movie ended, I found everyone... it turned out there was like 10 people! I was totally looking for 3 or 4, so that was kind of embarrassing. And then everyone left right away, which I was kind of expecting but it still sucked because that's the second time that's happened to me where I've been late to a movie and then I didn't even get to talk to anyone! Oh, sorry, I did talk to people TO ASK THEM FOR MONEY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH IN MY FREAKING BANK ACCOUNT TO GO TO AN ATM MACHINE AND STUPID ING DIRECT WON'T GIVE MY CHECKING ACCOUNT THE "TWO VERY SMALL DEPOSITS" I NEED TO CONFIRM THE LINK TO THE SAVINGS ACCOUNT!!!!! James gave me a penny... and I'm sorry but I did not appreciate that. Not just because it didn't help (oh yeah, and people at the gas station were telling me to break my window to get into my car... how about I break your fucking faces???) but because it really just wasn't funny. James and I are NOT friends anymore, and not just because of that. That's another story though. (And I made this a public entry, but DON'T mention any of that to him.) So anyway parking ended up only being $2 for me (OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT BECAUSE I WAS LATE! Sorry, I just realized that now.), so if any of you kind souls who lent me money would like to be paid back, I still have a dollar's worth of your change.
I figured I'd put this outside the cut for those of you who didn't bother reading all that, but when I first got into the movie and sat in the back, I pretty much just cried for 10 minutes. I'd had a stressful day, and I kinda realize that I really hate myself. I have for a while. I hate the parts of me that came out today, and I hate who I am as a Christian too because honestly I'm not much of anything. I hate who I am as a college graduate because I have nothing but a diploma to show for it after almost 9 months. I hate who I am as a friend because I try too hard to convince myself that people like me; and even though they might, I still never feel like anyone does (except a few people). I invite myself to so many things and I never leave happy because I still go away feeling unwanted. Being away for 7 months probably has that effect on things, but I've felt like that since the middle of junior year. Anyway, there are other things, but that's how I feel. And the other thing that makes me mad was that none of what I did today was worth doing. It's not worth it to drive 75 miles just for a shirt. It's not worth it to see a movie when you get there half an hour late. It's not worth it to try and hang out with people when they're all leaving anyway (I'm not mad at anyone for that, it's just a circumstantial thing). I know that Jesus is worth it, I just don't know what's stopping me from reaching out to Him.
Well, that was a long sob story. A bit of a pity party and even a pitch for a little bit of attention. But most of it did come from how I really feel, so there ya go... I put myself out there.
St. Pete doesn't have an Old Navy. What the hell is that about... yeah, it's pretty lame despite the rest of the story I'm about to tell. So I went to the one in Bradenton. Well there was this item of clothing that I wanted, but they didn't have it. Other stores did though. To shorten this story since it's going to end up being long, the one in Port Richey had it. Now I don't know how familiar y'all are with Florida geography, so here's a little bit of a lesson for ya...
Yeah, you're reading that right. Add that I didn't entirely go the way Mapquest suggested, and got lost and had to turn around a few times. I'm a fucking psycho, basically. So I got my article of clothing that I don't deserve and shouldn't have bothered going to such great lengths to get, OR should have tried to obtain earlier because...
OK, this is the clincher. Get ready for some serious mental health issues right here.
...I wanted to wear it tomorrow with a skirt that I said I was going to wear at Christmas Conference but I didn't, and I'm doing it for a boy who needs no impressing and I'm not even trying to impress him anyway, I'm just OCD about the fact that I talked about this random article of clothing so much and I want to prove it exists before he leaves.
WHO DOES THAT?????
Wow, so at least something funny happened in Port Richey: I'm sitting there eating a slice of pizza. Someone runs by and I don't really think anything of it, but then someone else runs by - a nicely dressed semi-old guy - and yells "SECURITY!!!!" at the top of his lungs. I look at the other person who had just run by and it's a really skinny white dude with NO SHIRT ON. So I don't know what was going on there but it was kind of amusing.
Now I really don't know why God even let me HAVE the shirt in the first place because, well, you read it. I couldn't get off that easy, ya know? On my way to the mall, Leah had called me about how people were going to a movie at 8:30 and I was like oh yeah, I can totally get there by 8:30! Well then I locked my keys in the car at a gas station. Seriously, I am the biggest moron in the world for re-attaching my keys to my purse when I wasn't even bringing the purse with me. So I called AAA and they said they'd send someone within an hour. I DIDN'T HAVE AN HOUR THANK YOU! I had wanted to stop at home and drop my stuff off and change and ya know, RELAX!!!!! So that didn't happen. I was asking pretty much everyone that came in if they could help me before AAA got there. Oh, the cashier tried to help me because she thought she had a coat hanger in her car. (What good would that be if she locked her OWN keys in the car though???) Anyway AAA came at 7:37 so I figured I'd get there by 8:30.
Well, I didn't.
I figured hey, there's 15 minutes of previews. I walked up to the box office at 8:49 so I guess I would have missed part of it anyway. But I had left my wallet in my car!!!! So I had to walk all the way back to my stupid car. I didn't get into the movie until 9:00 and I couldn't find anyone! So I sat in the back by myself, which I didn't mind that much since it was just a movie and it's not like those are very social DURING the movie anyway. When the movie ended, I found everyone... it turned out there was like 10 people! I was totally looking for 3 or 4, so that was kind of embarrassing. And then everyone left right away, which I was kind of expecting but it still sucked because that's the second time that's happened to me where I've been late to a movie and then I didn't even get to talk to anyone! Oh, sorry, I did talk to people TO ASK THEM FOR MONEY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH IN MY FREAKING BANK ACCOUNT TO GO TO AN ATM MACHINE AND STUPID ING DIRECT WON'T GIVE MY CHECKING ACCOUNT THE "TWO VERY SMALL DEPOSITS" I NEED TO CONFIRM THE LINK TO THE SAVINGS ACCOUNT!!!!! James gave me a penny... and I'm sorry but I did not appreciate that. Not just because it didn't help (oh yeah, and people at the gas station were telling me to break my window to get into my car... how about I break your fucking faces???) but because it really just wasn't funny. James and I are NOT friends anymore, and not just because of that. That's another story though. (And I made this a public entry, but DON'T mention any of that to him.) So anyway parking ended up only being $2 for me (OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT BECAUSE I WAS LATE! Sorry, I just realized that now.), so if any of you kind souls who lent me money would like to be paid back, I still have a dollar's worth of your change.
I figured I'd put this outside the cut for those of you who didn't bother reading all that, but when I first got into the movie and sat in the back, I pretty much just cried for 10 minutes. I'd had a stressful day, and I kinda realize that I really hate myself. I have for a while. I hate the parts of me that came out today, and I hate who I am as a Christian too because honestly I'm not much of anything. I hate who I am as a college graduate because I have nothing but a diploma to show for it after almost 9 months. I hate who I am as a friend because I try too hard to convince myself that people like me; and even though they might, I still never feel like anyone does (except a few people). I invite myself to so many things and I never leave happy because I still go away feeling unwanted. Being away for 7 months probably has that effect on things, but I've felt like that since the middle of junior year. Anyway, there are other things, but that's how I feel. And the other thing that makes me mad was that none of what I did today was worth doing. It's not worth it to drive 75 miles just for a shirt. It's not worth it to see a movie when you get there half an hour late. It's not worth it to try and hang out with people when they're all leaving anyway (I'm not mad at anyone for that, it's just a circumstantial thing). I know that Jesus is worth it, I just don't know what's stopping me from reaching out to Him.
Well, that was a long sob story. A bit of a pity party and even a pitch for a little bit of attention. But most of it did come from how I really feel, so there ya go... I put myself out there.
