cause this is now and that was before

i went to core. i was only in there for a little while but once they told us to get on our knees and everyone except 3 people (such as myself) did so, i was like yah i dont feel right here. so i went out to the lobby and sat down and the second i did that tyler and corey showed up. so they never ended up in the service and neither did justin or maureen... then at some point ryan and rob came out.

ive realized a couple of things today.

1)if i wasnt so "all or nothing" with certain friendships id be so much happier. i wouldnt feel like the whole world stopped turning just because i wasnt AS close with someone as i'd like to be. ive realized that i can still have tyler as a friend. just not as a really close friend like we once were and how i wanted to be again, but theres nothing wrong with him just being a regular ol' friend.

2)yeah, im not always given attention when i say stuff, but ive done the same to people and i dont always have something to say anyway. maybe i just expect people to talk to me too much since i dont always have something to say to them.

a lot of stress could have been avoided if i hadnt been too stupid to realize those 2 things a while ago. oh well.

so the number of people in bethel who think im cool is increased to 3½. corey seems to think i'm cool. and i'm sure you can guess who receives the halfsies award, cause i'm not ready to put my hopes up yet. tyler said he wanted to hang out with me tomorrow... i told him that HE is calling me. i am not calling him, just so you know. and if he does not call me, i will kick him in the genetalia next time i see him. corey and tyler both hugged me though. the good thing about tyler hugging me is that as much as i didn't want him to, i didn't feel anything like i used to, so once again my hopes stay at a safe level.

i think i've droned on about this pathetic waste of overthought enough. yup.